The Night I Was Introduced To BDSM (Part 1)

I’m not like the other girls.

Life has a way of leading you down the right path without you knowing at times I believe. I’m often called a fatalist because of my laissez faire attitude but I don’t necessarily agree with that. With age I have learned to pick my battles and focus on what I could realistically do for the better.

One summer I found myself drinking a cold brew outside after cooking dinner, having argued with my spouse for the millionth time, having a woe is me pity party. I called up a new friend to see if she had plans. She did but invited me to join.

Next thing I knew I was sitting outside a gay bar smoking a cigarette because I felt the need to unwide from a crappy day and smoking seemed to be cool at the locale. I’m an “All Lives Matter” kind of gal so being in this atmosphere was welcoming to me. My friend was late, she was lost. I waited patiently because I was not going back home this early being kid free for the night.

Finally she makes it and we go inside to search for her friends. Order drinks. Catch up from the day. We casually make our way back to this back room with a huge couch and pool table. I’m being introduced around and meeting such incredible people. These people were so friendly! It was incredible. I was so happy and smiling. I leaned over to my friend as we are sitting on this big L-shaped couch to whisper, “What did you bring me to?”.

“A BDSM munch for my poly group.”

Insert shocked face and jaw dropping to the floor here.

Wow. These are those people that I have read about and secretly envy. The ones who choose to love many, to welcome all these beautiful people to share life with and love. Being there at the gay bar that night was fate. It was a point in time that I had been preparing for my whole life. There is no doubt in my mind, I was meant to meet this woman who became my friend so she could take me to meet her friends.

That night still gives me chills when I think about it.

I made friends that night. We were net-working and going to keep in touch and we did.

Those friends invited me to go a little deeper in the community by attending a public play party that was coming up. I accepted. Feeling excitement go through my entire body. During the time leading up to the event I continued to form friendships and for the first time in a very long time, I was smiling.

I remember meeting for drinks first then walking over to the venue for the public event. I wasn’t really nervous, I was more excited to be there and couldn’t wait to see what was going to happen.

Watching this beautiful scene on a stage, was art. It was erotic. It was breathtaking to watch. I knew in that moment that I wanted to be in her place up there. I wanted to see what it would feel like to have someone strike me for fun and for pleasure and even for pain. Please know this was consensual and spoken about in great detail before any action was taken. Please do not be naive with these things and always follow your gut.

I found myself negotiating a scene. To negotiate you have a very real talk with the person who will be service topping you, which means they will be striking you with different implements, including their hands, if that’s what you negotiate. You talk about what is allowed and what is not allowed. You make this spoken contract and some will make you sign a consent in real time. This is not the time for you to go with the flow. You must make clear what is allowed and what you will not allow to happen to your body. You must be 1000% honest with them and with yourself during this time. If you are unclear with the terms being used then please ask for them to explain it a little more, or A LOT more. You should always take the proper time to vet a potential play partner even if they are a service top.

I won’t go into details about that scene at this moment because there just isn’t enough time. Right now I’m focusing more on how BDSM has been like finding home.

My life has never been the same since that night. That night I went on stage. That night I bared myself to others. I bared so much more than my body, I bared my soul. I wasn’t looking for acceptance, I was realizing who I was. Even now all these years later I do not look for acceptance in others about how I choose to live my life, I just show you WHO I am, I make no apologies for it, I like myself. I really am the *girl next door* who grocery shops, goes to PTA who loves her family more than life itself who happens to also enjoy things a little taboo.

Along the way of this self discovery I learned to love myself.

Over time I have realized that I am able to set boundaries in my vanilla life like I do in my kink world. I realized how strong of a woman that I really am. I realized that when you meet the right person you don’t have to change anything about yourself. I learned I’m rather a bad-ass submissive woman. I am not ashamed of the woman that I have become because I am incredibly happy and for the first time I found true love with clear communication and set realistic boundaries.

I have learned to use my voice.

I have also learned when to be quiet.

Honestly, I am taught patience on a daily basis.

In finding BDSM I have found my home. I am so thankful and blessed.

I feel like I should say that the opinions expressed in this post are of my own and about my experiences.

So stay kinky but be safe.

Love,
Sid