Pain doesn’t always equal pleasure. In fact, at times it just equals fucking pain.
I’ve been there. A lot lately. My focus has been hard to find. Currently, going through a medicine change that is SUPPOSED to help with that. I’m depressed. I’m anxious. I feel like I work a lot. I don’t sleep at night because I nap during the day. I nap during the day because I don’t sleep at night. It’s a vicious cycle.
The list of how “Sid” is feeling is lengthy but I’ll hush about that right now because no one has THAT time.
So, the past few times I have been beaten I have been unable to find subspace. It wasn’t even in the distance. I knew that I wasn’t going to fly. My head wasn’t in the game. We both know that with Covid We haven’t taken the time to make sure all those kinky parts were being fulfilled. I guess we fell into the Covid rut as so many other married couples.
Instead of flying with each strike, I felt the pain. I couldn’t even internalize it and swallow it deep down. It fucking hurt. I don’t even think it was fun. For me, it was like “Ouch. That hurt. I didn’t like that.” but then I knew if I could just “LET GO” I would be able to enjoy the moment with my Dominant.
Yet, there is enjoyment in the pain. With each strike, the squeal, the pain, the jumping around.
Remember, it isn’t all about the pleasure, because it may never come, so you take pleasure in the pain. The intense pain will fucking hurt. Scream out. Try to move it around. Try to welcome the pain.
In these moments I try to go as long as I can. I will always call it when I am ready and my Dominant always reads my body language.
I still enjoy these moments. Shows me how strong I can be, not that I didn’t know, but it’s nice to have reminders.
The pleasure is incredibly fun. Subspace is a wonderful treat.
However, sometimes it’s all about the pain.
